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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Educating Yourself Out Of Marriage?

Written By: Nicole Parker-Jones—When I graduated from an Ivy Leage law school, my parents, like any proud African-American parents threw me a graduation party to celebrate my tremendous accomplishment. And as the one who went through four years of rigorous undergraduate studies, followed by three years of an equally rigorous juris doctorate program, and spent a summer memorizing the law to become a licensed attorney in one of the toughest jurisdictions to get licensed in—New York, I can attest to just how tremendous my accomplishment is. Many a party and social gathering were skipped so that I could hit the books, graduate at the top of my class, and secure my future as a corporate attorney at a prestigious law firm just like so many of my fictional heroes had done: Claire Huxtable (The Cosby Show) and Maxine Shaw (Living Single). That’s not to say that I did not have fun in college and law school—naturally when time permitted I spent time with my friends like any young person would do—but as a true nerd at heart intellectual pursuits were my version of fun.

At my graduation party in the midst of celebration and much fanfare, a fellow BUPPIE (black, urban, professional person) made a point to tell me: "I hope you're done with your education. You don't want to educate yourself out of marriage." Had a woman said that to me, I would have likely shrugged it off as cattiness and/or a case of the green-eyed monster, but coming from a male all I could think was "Ouch!" Good natured at heart, I laughed it off in front of him, but looking back five years later when the party has long been over and I am sitting in my fancy corporate office, in my fancy corporate suit, working for my fancy corporate clients, I wonder: with each educational pursuit I endeavored on, had I taken one more step away from marriage?

Read the rest of this article in MIMI's Love Africa, Always issue, in the article Educating Yourself Out Of Marriage?

(Photo Credits: © Photodisc / PunchStock) (Model Used Solely For Illustrative Purposes)


BESOS LYNN said...

So true, but still painful to hear. When you reach a certain level of success who do you marry? The pool of eligible men gets a lot smaller it seems. What's the solution to this dilema? Wish I knew!

Jackie said...

I believe that the BUPPIE's comment was indeed a case of the green-eyed monster. And that he was only speaking for himself and men like him.

If you want to be married, you will avail yourself to men who meet and exceed your level of competence. They definitely exist.

You're an achiever. If you want it, you can do this too.

Mon petite Niche said...

what is wrong with marrying someone who is "below" you....who has not achieved the same academic or financial success as you?

You limit your "options" or "pool" when you filter people based on their accomplishments. My good friend is a high school soccer coach and his wife is a very successful doctor.

If anything, most successful men unfortunately do not want to marry "successful" or women who are power players because it becomes a competition of who has the bigger balls*.

It should about being tactful. Being respectful and finding someone who loves you and shares the same family values. And I honestly believe that God gave women the intuition* as a gift. If you are honest with yourself...which we women are not sometimes...we get carried away with our will see the tell tale signs of a wrong suitor/gold digger*