Say No To All Resolutions, But One

((  Written By: Mimi Tsiane  ))  For the New Year I am avoiding people with a long list of resolutions as many of them involve some type of deprivation.  Quit eating, quit gossiping, quit social media, quit shopping.  So when I go out with you I have to sip on water, sniff chicken, talk about the weather and I can’t even get dessert, I am not surrounded by an equally deprived angry mob!  Last year, my best friend for life (I think she qualifies for the abbreviation BFFL) made a resolution to “live in the moment.”  She was confident, ate healthy, shopped at flea markets and even shared her dessert!  Lesson learned—don’t deprive yourself, work towards a healthier and happier you.  And my resolution for 2013:  to simply have hope.

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If you're looking to find inspiration within for the New Year, take a look at these articles from the magazine's archives:  Resolve To Find Your Gold, The Right Fit, Creating Your Own Happily Ever After, Everyone Can Go Into Business, and My Favorite Regrets.  Find further inspiration from trailblazing African women, in the magazine's profiles of:  actress Stephanie Okereke in Stephanie Okereke In Charge, leader Florence Mumba in Profiles In Leadership: Judge Florence Mumba, activist Thandi Haruperi in Positively Woman: Thandi Haruperi and superwoman Iman in Iman: The Beauty Of Color.  And finally, get inspired by these real life MIMI-istas who realized their dreams:  How Sweet It Is: Lolita's Cupcakes, Ijorere: You're Invited, and Folake Taylor: The Only Way Is Up.

In The Spirit Of Giving

((  Written By: Mimi Tsiane  ))  I like Ben Affleck; he is low key an okay actor and good to look at.  He became even better looking when I learned of his charity, Eastern Congo Initiative.  In March 2010, the Academy Award winning actor announced the formation of the Eastern Congo Initiative, which he founded as "the first U.S.-based advocacy and grant-making initiative wholly focused on working with and for the people of eastern Congo."  More information available at: www.easterncongo.org.

From The Archives: Sex For Companionship

((  Written By:  Princess Goosby  ))  I started seeing a man two years ago.  From the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew I wanted him.  He met my list of qualities I look for in an ideal mate.  He was attentive, intelligent, well educated, had a successful career, well traveled, handsome, domestic, and before long I found out he was also amazing in bed.  I am a woman of many words, and for the first time in my life I found myself speechless, in his presence.

The foundation of our relationship was built on sex.  I knew from the beginning he did not desire a serious commitment, but I lay with him anyway.  So although I longed for an emotional and spiritual connection, I substituted those things out of fear of being alone.

I knew that if I offered my body he would come to me, and we would share small exchanges that I’d scribble down in my memory to dissect when he was gone while smelling his scent embedded in my linens, similar to the way people's existence is carved into tree barks, their endearments sealed by the heart encapsulating their words.  Except the only proof I had of the time we had shared would be washed away by laundry detergent.

Depending on or our frame of mind no matter how skewed it may be, we allow ourselves to be subjected to certain kinds of treatment.  For me, at the time, it was as a sexual object.  I exchanged sex for companionship because at the time I really felt that I needed something to love, cherish and to honor me.

In The Spirit of Giving

((  Written By: Mimi Tsiane  ))  No matter what your feelings about celebrities, there is no denying that we live in an era of celebrity.  When the culture of celebrity is used for good, celebrities can bring a lot of attention to the charitable work they do.  Grammy-Winning singer-songwriter Angélique Kidjo is one of the many to bring attention to charitable work through her charity, the Batonga Foundation.  Founded in 2006 by the award winning singer-songwriter, Batonga’s mission is to support both secondary school and higher education for girls in Africa.

From The Archives: Your Body Is A Temple. It Needs Loving Too…

((  Written By: Suzanne Brumme  ))  We live in times when we no longer need to exercise, and food is worse than it has ever been.  Ironically, you could also argue that we live in times with the best forms of exercise, and the most nutritious food.  Years ago, people had to walk or ride everywhere, and so it was necessary to be in good physical form.  Men fought wars, kids played, and people generally entertained themselves by engaging in physical activity.  Food was plain and simple, not over-processed and packaged.  On the other hand, medical facilities were unavailable, and a lot of diseases were unknown or unnamed.  Today, we have the best medical facilities and readily available medical knowledge of all time, and the most wonderful technology that money can buy.  We drive everywhere, and so any physical activity is forced.  Kids play computer games all day, and running around is a thing of the past. As for food, I have no words.

But then, you ask, why should you care?  If you read statistics on the preventable health conditions we face in our time, it is staggering.  We have increased the obesity rate phenomenally, and in turn, made ourselves more prone to all sorts of diseases.  Some of these diseases are heart diseases, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes.  I am fairly certain that we all know someone suffering from something on that list.

What can we do then?  Engage in physical activity, and make a conscious decision about everything that goes into our bodies.  It sounds simple, right?  It’s actually fairly difficult.  Because most of us spend all of our days engaged in white collar jobs, we could argue that we don’t have time to exercise.

The Body Is Back

((  Written By: Nani Hapa  ))  Not that there is any question about whether curves are always in, but if there's any doubt, take a look at gorgeous Ghanaian model Philomena Kwao's Tumblr philomenakwao.tumblr.com page.

The Best Of MMI Magazine: Teiko Dornor—More Than A Woman

((  Written By:  Staff Writer  ))  In 2006, MIMI interviewed Teiko Dornor, a "Jill Of All Trades" who is just as interested in saving the world as she is in spotting the latest fashion trends.  The interview was filled with many inspirational stories and lessons from Teikor, below is one of them.  To read our story about Teiko, take a look at our September 2006 article More Than A Woman.

From The MIMI Magazine Archives: Fierce And Fearless

((  Written By: Mimi Tsiane  ))  Fear is the worst of all human prisons that prevents many from reaching their goals.  This month I urge you to release the fear.  Here are my 8 tips for doing so:

Just do it.  How long have you been postponing it, avoiding the situation?  Now is the time to make a change; to take the challenge.  Go on just do it.

Recognize the challenge.  In other words what do you want to do?  Articulate your plans, your needs and wants.  Jot them down as a point of reference.

The Best Of MIMI Magazine: Genevieve Nnaji—True Star

(( Written By: Staff Writer ))  Nollywood actress Genevieve Nnaji is obsessed-about by millions, and that's not a surprise given her formidable work ethic and original talent; but it's her deeply ingrained sense of self that makes her—as we dubbed her in January 2006—a "True Star."  Below, read one of our favorite lessons MIMI took away from our interview with Genevieve.

10 Things I Like About My Nigerian Mother

Written By: Kemi Ebun—Growing up as the teenage daughter of an Nigerian mother in urban America in the nineties was—as I described in the article Excuse Me Jay-Z, I Don’t Apologize For Liking Fufu—”equal parts awkward, hilarious, painful, experimental, joyous, and confusing.” For all my mother's faults that contributed to those "awkward, hilarious, painful, experimental, joyous, and confusing" years I spent as an embarrassed teenager, my grown up self appreciates, and has even come to love, my Nigerian mother—flaws and all. So here I share 10 things that I like—no, love—about my Nigerian mother.

Read the 10 Things I Like About My Nigerian Mother in the latest issue of MIMI, Unapologetically Modern.African.Female.

(Photo Credits: © Gary Alvis / iStockPhoto)

Your Best Sex

Written By: Nani Hapa—Let’s talk about sex. Your best sex … with these suggestions:

1. Your brain is your primary sexual organ; sex is best when you relax, don’t hold anything back … let go.

2. Your skin is your largest sexual organ; sex is best when you arouse every inch of your skin.

3. Your feelings are your primary sexual barometer; sex is best with a clean conscience.

4. Your sense of adventure is your guidepost; sex is best when you explore and learn about each other’s bodies.

5. Your partner is half your enjoyment; sex is best when you satisfy your partner.

Read suggestions 6 through 10 in Your Best Sex, which can be found in the latest issue of MIMI, Unapologetically Modern.African.Female.

(Photo Credits: © Fancy Photography / Veer) (Models Used Solely For Illustrative Purposes)

Intersexions: It's Not Just About Who You Sleep With, It's About Who They've Slept With

Written By: MIM!—For nearly six months, fans of the acclaimed SABC1 drama series Intersexions have been glued to their television sets enjoying watching its stories unfold. Intersexions is a unique episodic drama series with 25 independent but interrelated stand-alone episodes that follow the AIDS infection chain. It is a series sponsored by Johns Hopkins Health and Education in South Africa. Each stand-alone episode takes us closer and closer to understanding the interconnectedness of our sexual networks. Take a look at the opening and closing credits created by Pollen Creative below.

Intersexions, Titles Sequence: Bride from Pollen on Vimeo.

For more about Intersexions, visit intersexions-tv.co.za.

(Photo Credits: © SABC1)

Does It Matter That The Covergirl And First Playmate Of The Premier Issue Of Playboy South Africa Is A White South African Woman?

Written By: Nicole Parker-Jones—Playboy Enterprises Inc. is expanding it's empire into Africa—South Africa specifically—with the April 2011 launch of a South African edition of its famous (or as some may say infamous) Playboy Magazine. The introduction of Playboy South Africa has resulted in much fanfare, but some are criticizing the magazine for featuring a white South African woman—Tracy McGregor on the cover. Blogger Mika Stefano shared in his post Playboy South Africa, How Wack: "I found it weird that South Africa would launch Playboy SA and not have an African woman on the cover … I’m not saying Tracy is not African, all I’m saying is, I am sure they could have found a black model to grace the first issue of Playboy SA ... its a nice cover, but I dont see anything that makes it any different to Playboy USA or Playboy anywhere else?"

Be A Whistleblower For Peace In The Congo And Support Soul.Substance.Style

Written By: Nani Hapa—When I come across an organization like Falling Whistles, I am reminded of why I blog: to share inspiring ideas about Africa and African Diaspora that give a voice to those who otherwise would not be heard. Take a look at the video below, and learn how you can be a whistleblower for peace and make a fashion statement that's close to the heart.

Falling Whistles - Be a Whistleblower for Peace in Congo from Falling Whistles on Vimeo.

To learn more, visit www.FallingWhistles.com.

(Photo Credits: © Falling Whistles)

Before You Get Hitched

Written By: Ekene Agabu—I am at that point in life where if I am not at a wedding, I am either coming from one or going to one. Most of my peers have supposedly found their life partners and are ready to make it legit, in other words, legitimize their union religiously and legally. Everything leading up to the wedding day is usually exciting, but many at times there’s that 3 AM phone call I get 6 months after the wedding that tells me we might be closer to the courthouse than we were to the church.

I’m sure you’ve heard phrases like, “He’s the one’ or ‘I’ve found my soul mate.” Ok, if that’s true, why are you looking for a way out from ‘the one?’ Don’t get me wrong, I believe in love and finding the ONE, but more so, I am a bigger believer in the path that leads you to the ONE. You’ll come to realize that as individuals, we have more control over the path we take than the actual destination. Most times, the path has a way of revealing what the eventual destination will be like. You must understand that there is only one ONE, and that ONE is YOU. Until you become the one, this process of finding the other one may lead to quite a number of errors, and in some cases, fatal errors. There are 5 things you must consider before you get to the altar or courthouse especially if you want to make it your last trip.

Read Ekene Agabu's tips in MIMI's Love Africa, Always issue, in the article Before You Get Hitched.

(Photo Credits: © Oceanphotography / Veer) (Models Used Solely For Illustrative Purposes)

First Comes Baby

Written By: Nicole Parker-Jones—What happened to the days when a family structure comprised of mother, father, and child(ren), was so engrained into our fabric that we would sing about it as young girls? You know, the days where like in our elementary poems we believed that we'd meet a boy, fall in love, get married, and then have a baby complete with a baby carriage? Somewhere between the K.I.S.S.I.N.G. and the baby, things changed. We have all heard the rhetoric backed by credible statistics that marriage and as a consequence family is disintegrating, particularly in the African American community.

At first blush, it is all too easy to categorize this issue as involving "other" black women; to be sure, campaigns targeted at educating women about family are typically messaged to "at risk" teenagers, and the women associated with such campaigns are "at-risk" women (read: young teens growing up in low income single-parent households with limited tools to survive the concrete jungle). But when I look within my circle of friends comprised of an eclectic group of African and African-American women with one thing in common—a solidly middle class upbringing—I see these very statistics replicate themselves. Without exaggeration I can say that half of my middle class black female friends with children are single mothers—some by virtue of circumstance (e.g. divorce) but more often than not, by virtue of a conscientious choice. None of my friends fit the "at-risk" profile—they are self-aware free spirited creatives, type-A educated high powered achievers, and everything in between—yet they too, save the income disparities, find themselves similarly situated to the stereotypical “baby mama”: raising a child in a single parent household.

What’s going on? Here I share the diverse stories of the single mothers in my life.

Read the rest of this article in MIMI's Love Africa, Always issue, in the article First Comes Baby.

(Photo Credits: © Jodie Coston / iStockPhoto)

Looking Back On Sex And Love

Written By: Ellen Wanjiru—I'm in my late 20's and unusually anxious to shed the age of innocence and embrace my roaring 30's. I've lived quite the interesting life thus far and it is without a doubt that I can honestly say that I am officially ready to become a real grown up.

Who am I today? I'm a young lady with passionate creative goals and a clear and present vision. I pride myself on being extremely self-aware and ambitious about the things that truly matter. I think it's imperative to question ourselves, our thoughts and our actions in order to learn the intricate dynamics of our make up. Like Socrates so bravely put it as he stood trial, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Because I'm not the same individual I was five years ago, my wants and needs have obviously changed.

When did I look for SEX? Well, I thought long and hard about this, weighing in on my past experiences and thinking back to why I did certain things. I came to the conclusion that I looked for sex for a variety of reasons, as I'm sure we all do. I looked for sex when I was too busy to give anything more or when I was too afraid to commit my mind and soul.

Read the rest of this article in MIMI's Love Africa, Always issue, in the article Looking Back On Sex And Love.

(Photo Credits: © Jim Jurica / iStockPhoto) (Model Used Solely For Illustrative Purposes)

Balancing Modernity And Spirituality

Written By: Siya Tiane—The debates on Muslim women’s wardrobe have been centered on integration in society. It is perceived that by donning the face veil (niqab) and to a certain extent the head scarf (hijab), Muslim women isolate themselves from society. However, what has been missing in the debate is Muslim women’s own voice on the matter. Furthermore, stakeholders ignore the perspective of women who choose to be veiled yet who are active and integrated into society.

My story is an unconventional one in this debate as I happen to be a young African woman living in West Africa, Black, Muslim, wearing the hijab, a graduate from prestigious western universities, well travelled and multilingual, a young professional working in the field of development/policy, an aspiring writer, a committed change maker and more importantly a servant of God the Almighty. As I aspire like everyone to be successful in my endeavors, I am also constantly trying to find a balance between modernity and spirituality.

As a “visible” Muslim, I am part of a minority group in African societies, one that is not always understood, but that increasingly finds its place in society. West Africa has the highest concentration of Muslims in Sub Sahara Africa. Yet, the practice of Islam is often times polarized, with the general view that on one hand, the study of religion is reserved to men (except for the basics teachings that women receive) who blend into society and practice their faith privately; on the other hand, those who choose to live their faith, exclude themselves or are implicitly excluded from society as they evolve only within their communities.

I believe there is a credible alternative to this dichotomy and this is what I represent.

Read the rest of this article in MIMI's Love Africa, Always issue, in the article Balancing Modernity And Spirituality.

(Photo Credits: © Stacey Newman / iStockPhoto) (Model Used Solely For Illustrative Purposes)

Educating Yourself Out Of Marriage?

Written By: Nicole Parker-Jones—When I graduated from an Ivy Leage law school, my parents, like any proud African-American parents threw me a graduation party to celebrate my tremendous accomplishment. And as the one who went through four years of rigorous undergraduate studies, followed by three years of an equally rigorous juris doctorate program, and spent a summer memorizing the law to become a licensed attorney in one of the toughest jurisdictions to get licensed in—New York, I can attest to just how tremendous my accomplishment is. Many a party and social gathering were skipped so that I could hit the books, graduate at the top of my class, and secure my future as a corporate attorney at a prestigious law firm just like so many of my fictional heroes had done: Claire Huxtable (The Cosby Show) and Maxine Shaw (Living Single). That’s not to say that I did not have fun in college and law school—naturally when time permitted I spent time with my friends like any young person would do—but as a true nerd at heart intellectual pursuits were my version of fun.

At my graduation party in the midst of celebration and much fanfare, a fellow BUPPIE (black, urban, professional person) made a point to tell me: "I hope you're done with your education. You don't want to educate yourself out of marriage." Had a woman said that to me, I would have likely shrugged it off as cattiness and/or a case of the green-eyed monster, but coming from a male all I could think was "Ouch!" Good natured at heart, I laughed it off in front of him, but looking back five years later when the party has long been over and I am sitting in my fancy corporate office, in my fancy corporate suit, working for my fancy corporate clients, I wonder: with each educational pursuit I endeavored on, had I taken one more step away from marriage?

Read the rest of this article in MIMI's Love Africa, Always issue, in the article Educating Yourself Out Of Marriage?

(Photo Credits: © Photodisc / PunchStock) (Model Used Solely For Illustrative Purposes)

From The Archives: Growing Up Is Hard To Do

Written By: Kara Weeks—Aargh! I remember as a child, I could not wait to become a teenager. And as a teenager, I could not wait to be a young adult, so I could hang out with the college kids. Entering college, I wanted to be 21 and above, truly independent …nobody telling me what to do, who to see, where to go. I am past that point now, in my mid-twenties, and how I wish I could go back to those golden years of my childhood.

Being an adult is not all it’s cracked up to be. Nobody told me about all the "un-fun" responsibilities that come along with adulthood. And if they told me, they probably sugarcoated it. So here I am, about to graduate with my second degree, about to go out into the real world, and I have come to the realization that being an independent adult ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Case in point … I have written and rewritten at least ten drafts of my resume in the past three months. I have written more than enough cover letters. I have lost track of the number of jobs I have applied for. I currently have accounts on MonsterTrak, Careerbuilder, Yahoo Jobs, and

numerous other job websites. I spend multiple hours a day hunting for jobs. Just looking for a job IS a job in itself. That’s why there are job agencies out there…supposedly taking the stress off you.

I just want some money to live my life. Why didn’t anybody tell me as a child to savor the moments of mummy and daddy paying for everything (well, some of the things) I wanted? Nobody told me that growing up meant I would actually have to get up day in and day out, working at some dreary job just so I could pay bills and taxes (damn you, Mr. IRS Man!). I guess it never really dawned on me that Mummy and Daddy were actually working for that money to buy me pretty dresses, bicycles, and whatnot. Growing up is hard to do!